normalcy

Is there such a thing as normalcy? I'm not sure because it's been a while since I've lived there if it does indeed exist.

However, I do have a huge monkey off my back with the fact that the Toastmasters conference is done! (short of a few minor accounting details and the celebration) In many ways I enjoyed it. I loved having team members that I could trust to put in charge of a task and know it would be done. I really stretched my confidence muscles!!

I was able to handle the "need to improve" criticism without taking it personally and I was able to accept the "good job" compliments without getting too squeamish. That, my friends, is growth!

I made a decision that the conference would happen whether I was calm or stressed, so I might as well enjoy myself!

It was even suggested by one person that going into event planning might be a good career choice. I never really had the faith that I could do something like that even though I thought it was a cool idea. However, I've loved assisting others in event planning and I do have the ability to remain calm in crisis situations. Maybe when I "grow up" I might want to do some event planning. If not, I know it is an ability that I've learned and gotten to use in my lifetime.

Spring Garden

Last Friday I went garden shopping. Of course my shopping is not complete as I will explain. What I did is get some things that I really want to go in my garden space.

Today was my first day to get out there and see what is out there. I have to make an assessment and see what is still viable from last year and what is beyond repair and needs to be replaced. I'm going to need to see what condition the soil's in and start getting weeds out so that what I want to plant can and will thrive.

The process will not take place overnight. It's going to take constant work and constant care to make sure that what I plant holds up.

Kind of how I need to be working on me: taking inventory, checking on my condition, and making sure that I take care of myself.

too much wind

All this time I thought the wind was supposed to happen in March. Someone forgot to tell the wind. It looked nice out and I was actually thinking about doing some yardwork to clean out the remaining dead plants and dead growth from winter.

I ended up doing some clipping and pruning and running back in the house before I could retrieve the clippings because the wind was so bad I couldn't see what needed pruning.

It probably didn't help that the first I felt like doing anything was about 5pm. However, that is a quirk of me right now (being ambitious late in the day) and as I get back into doing things that need to be done or things I enjoy doing, I'm sure I'll be more willing to get out and do them earlier in the day.

I know that there are certain conditions my doctor has for my return to work and that I haven't met them yet, but I'm actually starting to think that I'll want to meet them before long.

overwhelming

It's weird spending so much time feeling overwhelmed and unable to do anything, or at least feeling unable to do anything.

Fortunately I only have to do one thing at a time. The trick is actually doing that one thing instead of sitting around complaining that I have too much to do.

no foolin'

I woke up this morning and to my astonishment, I was at a nice healthy weight.

Okay, so that really didn't happen but it sounded good and since today is April fool's day, I thought I'd try it.

The truth is that I am trying to take better care of myself. Sometimes I succeed. The bummer is that my emotions are all over the place and I'm still trying to adjust to my treatments.

I question my worth and my value constantly and I know that some of it is not healthy for me. I will try to do better and not be so hard on myself.