My World

No pictures. Just sentences.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Boo! Scary stuff!

I am weird about Halloween. Some years I enjoy it and other years I just don't. This was one of those "I just don't" years.

I'm so glad to know that I can decide each year how I want to celebrate it and if I want to celebrate it.

The election will be Tuesday. I'm not sure how things are going. I've heard various theories and scenarios and outcomes. Some are pretty scary to me.

In my Toastmaster's meeting a while back, I spoke about something that usually makes me cry to think about. It was hard and I was scared, but I did it!

I've had to talk about and face uncomfortable things, things that scared me. I usually seem to get through it and find that my fears were greater than just doing the scary thing.

I recently found out I could relapse and do something I hadn't done in 15 years. The realization scared me, but I took strength in the knowledge that I had learned skills to help me not do it and I overcame it.

I think the scariest thing in my world is the thought that I could be alone for the rest of my life. I don't know how to overcome that fear, but I do know that when I live my life and keep plugging along, it seems to be less important and less scary.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Showing love

Something happened this weekend that took me to a place I never thought I would visit again. It was 15 years ago, 1993, the worst year of my life. Usually I only share some of what went on that year and leave out a lot. Even my parents' deaths was not worse than the things that happened that year.

For the first time in my life I was glad that I had gone through the worst year of my life. Someone was having problems that I had and with the proper help had been able to overcome and I was able to come to her from a place of experience. At least I thought I could.

I soon realized that I was in over my head. I was not a mental health professional and she was beyond peer or experiential help. I believe she will get it.

In 1981, when I was in college, I had undiagnosed depression. There was one night that was especially horrible and I tried to make some plans I'm not proud of. I was working and after work, I knew I would have the apartment to myself. Well, I got home and my roommate had other plans. She told me that I was going out with her and another friend for Halloween and she would not take no for an answer. I was rather annoyed, but I finally went out with them. I had a great time. She may never know what she did for me that night, because all that year she thought I didn't like her. How could someone believe that after what she did for me!?

We don't always know or believe that people love us or are showing love to us when they get on our nerves and make us feel uncomfortable, or we even think they feel the opposite towards us. People who love us are out there. Sometimes we don't recognize them at the time that they show us the most love.

Saturday, October 04, 2008

Weekend lessons

This weekend is something that is known in the LDS church as Conference Weekend. Twice a year, in April and October, for a Saturday and Sunday, the world stops as LDS faithful find a TV or head to a church building to watch it on the satellite.

In the past, it has served as a prophetic "there, there, we can get through this" when the world is crazy and one is looking for a voice of sanity or spirituality--even if things aren't as ok as we'd like them to be. The majority of the talks today were very cognizant of the troubled times we live in and dealing with adversity.

There's a part of me that wants to say "la la la I'm not listening I don't believe you." Sadly, I know better. Getting that much prophetic warning in a few hours time does make me think. I don't think the sky is falling, but I don't think that all is well in Zion either. In fact, I was talking to a friend a while back reminiscing about when we THOUGHT we lived in troubled times. Compared to today, those times were nothing!

Rather than bury my head in the sand, I'll most likely do what I've always done. Take care of today and what I can control and set the rest aside, at least for now. Prepare, but don't obsess. Keep reading scripture and praying and trying to do the right thing. Remember that I am the one who chooses my mood and my temperment and I can choose to laugh or choose to cry.

While I can choose how I respond, I cannot choose to avoid it as tempting as that might sound.

Labels: , ,