Progress, a miracle

Yesterday was our Christmas program at church. My little miracle was that I was able to stay in the chapel for the whole program. This is huge for me.

Eight years ago, my father died right before Christmas. His funeral was on the 20th, and the Christmas program in my mom's ward was on the 23rd. I decided that year I was not going because I couldn't stand the thought of hearing "sorry about your dad, merry Christmas."

The next year, I stayed home as well. Actually, I stayed home on the Sunday before Christmas for quite a few years. Two years ago was the first time I remember going to church that Sunday. I stayed in the foyer. Last year, I managed to stay in the chapel for part of the program. After my Primary class did their part, I went out to the foyer for the rest.

Why did I do it? Lots of reasons, really. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I'm an ugly crier and I don't like people seeing me cry. I think another reason is that I don't want to ruin others' happiness at this time of year.

This year was different. Because my friends and family are remembering me in their prayers to help me get through this month/season, I've been able to do things I haven't been able to do in years. I've been able to enjoy things about Christmas that in the past have reminded me of loss.

I'm extremely grateful for all the blessings and miracles that I've received during this year.