My World

No pictures. Just sentences.

Friday, August 18, 2006

what a week!

Okay, actually it's more like what a month! The last time I was at my doctor's appointment, she mentioned she was taking a job and quitting her practice. I didn't deal with that very well.

I've since found out that things have changed and she won't be stopping her practice after all. Of course look at the month I wasted worrying about having to separate and get used to a new doctor!

Yesterday I had a birthday. It's the first birthday in a long time I felt like I could truly enjoy, both with the company of friends and with myself. Sure there are shades of "don't take up space" that still creep in, but when I remind myself that I released that horrid thought, I'm better able to enjoy attention on me (to a point).

Something came up today. I hadn't ever considered it but some things I mentioned about why I felt I was stalled in my weight loss, what happened the last time I felt like that, etc. I said that I felt like my fat had memories that would come up as I lost the weight and that I had trouble dealing with the stuff as it came up. Some/most of them were not pleasant memories, but stressful things I'd experienced that my mind seemed to try to keep me from remembering.

Things that I mentioned as if everybody had those experiences, she told me clearly were not. Apparently some of the "not so pretty" things in my life have created some post traumatic stress. I wasn't intentionally minimizing these things, just trying to explain them so that I could understand them.

I realize that the mind and body cannot go through hard stuff unscathed. I don't feel as if the information makes me a victim. Clearly the opposite. I feel that now that this has a name, I can learn from it and work with it and deal with it because I can identify it. That's empowering!


Post a Comment

<< Home