December

Wow, another month come and gone! I know I say this every year, but where DOES the time go?

Today was weird at work. It seemed as if all the health care providers wanted to do was argue with me. If I'd said "it's day outside", I think they would have said "no, it's night and I want your supervisor now!"

One thing I've learned is that when the body gets too full of unexpressed emotion, it's going to come out--usually at an inappropriate time and place. I believe it's getting to be time for me to have a good cry again because I've almost cried over the phone a few times at work. Almost yelled at some folks too. I've got to keep that in check.

It's all good in a way. I think I've finally moved into stage 4 of my grieving process. Well, it's a stage 4 with some stage 2 thrown in for good measure.

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in her studies came up with 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. For those who know me, they know the anger came rather fast and furious and stuck around for a while. I think that my version of the bargaining was "why did you have to treat me like that?" and questions about trying to figure out why my mother was the way she was. I don't really want her back the way she was. I want the mother I never got to experience and I wonder why I couldn't have had her instead of the mom I got.

Of course if I'm in the depression there is good news that has nothing to do with car insurance. Acceptance is the 5th stage and that is just around the corner. (of course I don't know how big the corner is right now)