My World

No pictures. Just sentences.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

The parable of the butterfly

Last night at my Toastmasters meeting, we had a chance to hear and give feedback to a friend who is in the 2nd to last round of the world championship of public speaking.

In his speech, he uses the example of "helping" a butterfly emerge from its cocoon only to have disabled it to the point of death. I'm sure many of us have heard the story and can glean some meaning from it.

Marianne responded rather oddly. She said "I hate that story. Not because of the meaning but because of the butterfly dying." I asked her "have you seen what happens when it's done to humans?"

Lisa, a 40 year old woman who appeared on Starting Over earlier this year was a product of her parents helping her to the point of disability. Extensive effort was made to encourage her change. She was almost kicked out of the house. However, she did learn how to become a somewhat responsible adult.

There have been times in my life where I felt like someone has helped me to the point of disability. I think that could have explained part of why I went into such a tailspin after my mother died. I was trying so hard to show how mature and responsible I was and failing miserably at it. I resented her controlling nature, but once it was gone, it was hard for me to find my own way. I was in a freefall emotionally. Thankfully I'm working my way back to what I feel I should be, but it's not easy. Parents are to guide, not control.

I found a poem I'd heard before that also applies to all this. It was written by Carol Lynn Pearson. I found it on a quotation site when I googled Ms. Pearson's name.

The Lesson

Yes, my fretting,
Frowning child,
I could cross
The room to you
More easily.

But I’ve already
Learned to walk,
So I make you
Come to me.
Let go now—
There!You see?

Oh, remember
This simple lesson,
Child,And when
In later years
You cry out
With tight fists

And tears—
“Oh, help me,
Just listen
And you’ll hear

A silent voice:
I would, child,
I would.
But it’s you,
Not I,
Who needs to try


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