Mothers' Day 2012

(posted on FB 5/12/2012)

And again it comes, the second Sunday in May. I have a lot of thoughts this time of year, all mixed up.

Let me start with the regrets. I'm sorry that it took me so long to forgive my mother after she died. It was a process I had to go through, and it was quite a journey. I wish it hadn't taken me so long. Another regret is that we were never able to resolve things while she was alive. I was able to do that with my dad and it really made a difference in my grieving after he was gone. I'm also sorry that my life turned out very differently than I imagined. As a result, I never got to experience first-hand motherhood.

For the positives, I DID let go of all that pain that had my mother's name on it. I was able to develop a compassion for the scared, scarred girl who became my mother. It wasn't easy and it took time, but I felt so much lighter for having done it. Another positive is that I've been able to be a "not-mom" for a few wonderful young women who just need someone who isn't their mother for whatever reason. I love all the girls I've gotten to know and grateful for the organic way it's happened. If I'm blessed enough for it to happen again in the future, I'll be just as grateful!

I'm also grateful to be a part of so many families that treat me like family.

I do have some extended family left, and I'm grateful for them as well. They don't live near me, and my church family and others I've come to know and love have filled that void in my life.