My World

No pictures. Just sentences.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Hello December!

Both my parents died in December. My father in 2001 and my mother in 2004. One just before Christmas and one just after. This time of year has been hard for me ever since.

My favorite place to pray is in my car while I'm driving. A year ago, while asking for Divine help to get through this month, the thought came to me that this is the time of year where we celebrate the greatest gift of all, yet you are focused on your losses.

That thought kept me going for about halfway through the month last year.

I was hoping that this year would be different. Yesterday was Testimony meeting at church and as I was getting ready for church, the thought came to me that I needed to bear my testimony in that meeting and that it would be different than any I had ever given. I had to do something I don't do very well or very often. I had to ask my church family for help.

Church didn't start well for me. Hearing the Christmas music during the prelude made me a little teary and I was getting my nerve up to do what I had to do. Finally my turn. I bore testimony, but before I did, I asked that my ward family remember me in their prayers during this upcoming month and why it was such a problem. I was in tears and when I sat back down, I was shaking.

I came home from church with what I call an emotional hangover. My head was pounding and my stomach a mess. After resting for a while, I noticed something. My stomach wasn't hurting and my heart felt light. For the first time in years! When I woke up this morning, I still felt that good.

Today's been a busy day at work and I have had my share of stressful moments that are work related, but I'm still feeling pretty good.

Whether it was because of the prayers, or the fact that I had to request them that caused me to feel better, I don't know. Does it really matter? The Lord knew me and what I needed and gave me the courage to ask for what I needed. I will gladly accept this lightness as long as it lasts.


  • At 4:58 PM, Anonymous Patty said…

    Letting go is always hard, and it doesn't seem to matter how prepared we are for it. I hope that this year is better for you and that you know your Heavenly Father loves you.
    "When one door of happiness closes, another opens: but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us."
    Helen Keller


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