My World

No pictures. Just words...in sentences.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

not good enough

Right now I'm trying to get my meds corrected. It's taking time. In the meantime, life goes on and I try to make plans for my future. It's hard when I can hardly see past today to think long term.

Not only that, I have to relanguage and repattern and re a lot of stuff in my life. Some of those old tapes are getting louder now that I don't have the defense of my medication. Some of them are getting louder because the same things keep happening over and over again. In some things I've been well taught and it's been so well engrained in me that I don't matter, my best effort isn't good enough, I'm not good enough, there is a separate (harder) set of rules for me than the rest of the world, etc.

The saddest part is that even though I keep hearing that I'm not good enough, what I'm hoping is really being said is that I'm not ready.

I feel that I probably haven't learned enough, or I'm not bold enough, or I'm not strong enough, or I'm not enough. I want to think that's garbage but right now I don't know what to believe.

Until I'm stronger, can someone play the appropriate tape that I can't even name right now really loud so that we can drown out the other tapes?

2 Comments:

  • At 7:09 PM, Blogger Marianne said…

    You're a perfect Laura right now.

     
  • At 7:58 PM, Blogger Cynthia said…

    "You are an awesome, courageous, smart, funny, beautiful, wonderful person... and I love you for who you are NOW."

    Those are the NEW words for that tape that keeps playing over and over and over and over in your head. Every time something else starts to play, tell it to stop, and then focus your mind back onto how wonderful you are.

    Because YOU ARE. Believe it!

     

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