My World

No pictures. Just sentences.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

The dam finally burst!

I've been saying for quite a while that I really needed to cry and couldn't. I do wonder if that's part of what's been causing my depression to act up worse than before.

The last time I cried like this, a friend was helping me pack up the house and accidentally threw out some wood toys that my dad had made and that I had planned on keeping (the piles got mixed up). That was 2 years after daddy died and that was what finally cause me to have my good cry that I needed so badly. (I was able to retrieve the toys)

So tonight I'm watching TV and doing some cross stitch when I get tired of catching up on my DVR and start flipping channels. I flipped to TLC and they were showing a documentary of a 600+ lb. woman who was trying to get help for her illness. I knew right away that I should flip the channel, that it was a bit too familiar, etc. However, something stopped me. I sat and watched this woman talk and describe how she lived and the different things she had to do to merely survive and it was so familiar. She lived in a bed, my mom lived in a recliner until she couldn't live in her house anymore and became totally bedridden. She had a home health aid, my mom had to have one too. Her face looked a lot like my mom's. Her body was quite similar and just everything about it, including her limited mobility could have been my mom's story. What got me the most was how this woman struggled to get into a car that was too high and too small for her. I remember having to pray in the middle of the parking lot that mom could get out of her wheelchair and back into the car so that we could get home after a trip out. This woman and her home health aid were praying at the wheelchair that they could get her into the car so that she could have surgery that would hopefully make it easier for her to live her life.

Jackie, the woman's name at least was trying. My mom never really did try to improve her situation. Mom just tried to pull everybody in her life closer and demand more of them. Since I had to finally change the channel and stop watching Jackie's story, I don't know how it turned out. I know how my mom's story turned out.

Scientists have analyzed the content of sad tears and happy tears. Happy tears are mostly water. Sad tears have chemicals in them. Besides the poisons that my body was finally able to rid itself of with this cry tonight, I hope I've released whatever was keeping me from healing and moving on past the death of my mother and the other family members who preceded her.

Thank you TLC for showing this program, even though I didn't watch very much of it.


  • At 11:33 PM, Blogger Marianne said…

    I saw that story, I know which one you mean. But I don't remember what happened after the surgery. Maybe they didn't show it yet. I didn't know that about tears. But it makes sense. That's why it wears you out to cry sad tears but happy tears don't make you tired. I hope you feel better when you wake up!


Post a Comment

<< Home